


Tea and Crackers

by Java_bean



Series: 500 Follower Fic Requests [4]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Gen, Meet the Family, Trolls on Earth, apartmentstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-12 07:20:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15334737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Java_bean/pseuds/Java_bean
Summary: Dave brings his boyfriend over to meet his sister, Rose, but not everything goes according to plan.





	Tea and Crackers

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic for @thegoblinrevolution on tumblr, who requested Rose and Vriska being college roommates who barely tolerate each other when Dave brings his boyfriend over to visit.  
> I had a lot of fun writing this fic, and I hope you have as much fun reading it! :D

Why is your apartment so dirty? It didn’t seem that bad last month, or last week, or last night when you decided you’d put off cleaning it for too long. You didn’t think cleaning would take too much time out of your day, and yet here you are. 

It’s been four hours. 

Your brother will be here in less than one.

You hate this.

You always knew you weren’t exactly the most organized individual, but most of the time it hasn’t been too big a deal. Usually you could just shove all of your mess in the closet or under your bed. This, though? This is far too much for even your closet to hide. Of course, you wouldn’t toss all of this in your closet even if it would all fit.

Why? Because a good half of this mess isn’t even yours to begin with. It belongs to your goddamn good for nothing roommate, Vriska. 

You’ve been spending a good amount of your time trying to clean the living room. You have all of your junk thrown into a trash bag that you will later throw into a corner of your bedroom. Vriska’s things are still strewn all across the floor and covering the coffee table. 

“Vriska!” You yell agitatedly as you knock on her bedroom door. She ignores you. You knock harder and yell her name again more emphatically. “Vriska!”

Still nothing. You take a deep breath and prepare to scream her name at the top of your lungs when her door opens.

Vriska leans against her door way and sneers irritably out at you. “What?”

You gesture back to the living room, towards the coffee table. “You can’t just leave all your D&D stuff there.”

When you and Vriska moved in together several months ago, she’d been too lazy to pick a place in her room to put all of her roleplay stuff. You’d told her to just throw it on the table and move it later. Her stuff lives there now.

“Why?” She asks, running a hand through her hair and making no move to clean it up. “You’ve never had a problem with me keeping this here before, what the fuck’s your issue with it now?”

“My brother’s in town today with his boyfriend, and he wants me to meet him.” You’ve explained this multiple times already. “He’ll be over soon.”

“And you need the table for that?”

“Yes, I need the table for that!” You reply exasperatedly. “I need the whole apartment, actually! The whole thing! But yes, the table would be a nice start. So, if you would please.”

You gesture back to the table. 

“ _Fine_ ,” Vriska sighs dramatically as she drags herself over to the table, “if you’re going to make a big federal case out of some loose fucking dice.”

It’s a bit more than some loose fucking dice, but whatever.

You take a seat on the couch and watch her as she finally cleans up her shit. She grumbles insults under her breath about you, but you don’t care enough to take offense. You’re just glad she’s picking everything up. 

“Are you going out with Terezi today?” 

“I didn’t _plan_ on it.” She scoops as much of her stuff into her arms as possible and starts to move towards her room. “I never _plan_ on it. Either I will or I won’t, we’ll see how lucky I get.”

“That was more than I needed to know about your relationship with Terezi, thank you.” 

She turns around to face you, there’s a smirk on her face that shows off one of her fangs. “But not more than you _wanted_ to know.”

Vriska walks back to her room as you grimace at the thought. Sure, Terezi and Vriska are one of your favorite couples, and most days you’d probably jump at the chance to compile data on a troll couple that still used the classic (though mostly abandoned) quadrant system, but you feel you already know more than enough about your roommate and her girlfriend’s relationship than you’re comfortable admitting.

The walls are thin.

The living room is basically clean, so now you’re just lounging on the couch with your feet splayed out in front of you. Is there anything else you really need to do? Any rooms you didn’t clean? Chores you didn’t do?

You glare at the chipped paint on your toes as you scour your mental checklist for anything you may have overlooked. You...don’t think you missed anything. Yeah, you might just be totally prepared for your brother’s arrival. 

Now all you have to do is get some refreshments set out and you’ll be done completely.

You stand up and stretch as you walk to the kitchen. After a short debate about what you should serve, you decide tea is your best option. Really, it was either that or serve off brand energy drinks in your fancy china cups. 

Yes, you tend to do that, but that’s not something your brother needs to know.

It doesn’t take you very long to boil the water and get the tea steeping. Then you go on the hunt through the cupboards for snacks. 

There’s not much there, unfortunately. There’s half a bag of chips and an unopened sleeve of crackers. 

“What the fuck.” You mumble under your breath. You swear you had more snacks than this. 

Yeah, yeah you definitely did. Vriska probably ate whatever you’d bought. You run a hand through your hair and sigh. You guess you’re just gonna have to make do with crackers.

You take out a plate and dump the crackers onto a plate so it at least looks like presentable. By a stroke of luck, it turns out to be the fancy crackers. Yes, they’re dry by design and happen to taste like shit, but that’s expected and honestly they definitely seem like the kind of thing you would serve. 

Thank god for that.

You get the plate of crackers and the tea all set up on the table and take a seat on the couch with your own cup. It steams in your face as you relax and sip it.

Your apartment’s clean, your roommate is nowhere in sight, and your snacks are as close to perfect as they’re going to get.

Now all you have to do is wait.

 

\-----------

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck _fuck_ ,” your boyfriend continues to shout in the next room over as you choke on your toothpaste in the bathroom.

You finish brushing your teeth and pop your head out of the door. “Dude, you okay? What’s got your shit all up in a knot?”

Karkat doesn’t answer you, instead he continues pacing back and forth and running his hands through his hair worriedly. He’s the picture definition of a nervous wreck. Not that you were expecting any less from him in this particular situation.

You take a seat on one of the hotel beds and start pulling on a pair of socks. “Karkat, you need to get your ass in gear and get ready or we’re gonna be late.”

He finally stops pacing and looks down at the floor. “I don’t think I want to go.”

“What?”

He flops down face first next to you onto the bed and groans into the blanket. You pat him on the back in a gesture that comes off as more awkward than anything else. “Bro, seriously, what’s going on with you? I thought you were down with meeting Rose.”

“I was.” His voice is muffled by the blanket. He turns over onto his back and stares up at the ceiling. “But I changed my mind. I don’t want to anymore.”

“Okay. That’s fine, that’s totally chill, aint nothing wrong with that.” You lay down on the bed next to him. “Can I ask why, though? You seemed fine with it yesterday.”

“It’s...not that I don’t _want_ to,” Karkat tries to clarify. You can see him struggling to find the right words to convey what he means through the way his face contorts. “I just don’t think I’m... _ready_ to?”

You give a half hearted chuckle. “It’s just my sister, what’s there to be ready for?” 

You do think you get it, though. Karkat has a tendency to overthink things almost to the point of anxiety, and this is definitely no exception to that. 

“That’s the thing!” He throws his hands up in the air. “It’s not _just_ your sister! She’s one of the most important people in your whole fucking life! This is like the equivalent of taking someone home to meet your parents! Or if I took you to meet...um....shit, I don’t have anybody equivocal to that in my life, what the hell’s with that?” He waves one of his hands in the air in frustration. “Never mind, that’s not my point!”

You raise an eyebrow. “So what _is_ your point?” 

His hands fall down to his sides, and he turns his head to face you. “What if she doesn’t like me?”

“Aw, dude, are you seriously worried about that?” You roll over onto your side. “I know Rose, and I can guarun-fucking-tee that she’s gonna like you just fine. Shit, who knows? Maybe you guys’ll hit it off and be best friends five-ever and shit.”

“I’m breaking up with you if you say five-ever again.” He says, rolling his eyes at you. “Do you really think she’ll like me?” 

“Yeah, bro, I _know_ she will.” You pat his cheek in that way you’re pretty sure trolls like. “I mean, yeah it might take her a bit to warm up to you and she might not even ever admit that she _does_ like you because Rose is like that sometimes, but there’s no doubt in my mind that she’s gonna, dude. She’s gonna fucking love you and she’ll think you’re great because _I_ fucking love you and I think you’re great. And that’s all there is to that, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.” Karkat snorts and takes one of your hands. “You’re great and I fucking love you, too, you god damn dweeb.”

“Do you still want to cancel? Because I still can if you want to. We can just chill in the hotel and order room service or a pizza or something. Watch tv. Whatever you’re comfy doing, dude.”

“Thanks.” He presses his forehead against yours. “But I think I’m going to get dressed after all.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” He sits up and smiles at you. “I want to meet your sister.”

 

\-------

It takes longer than you expected for your brother to get here. Long enough that you wonder if he decided against coming or if he’s just running a bit late for whatever reason. Should you text him to see if he’s still coming, or just wait and microwave the tea so it’s still hot when he gets here? Should you try to convince Vriska to leave? 

So many decisions.

You finish off what’s left of your own cup of tea. It’s gone lukewarm and unsatisfactory, so you decide your best option right now is to microwave the other two. You’ll talk to Vriska later.

It takes two minutes to get both drinks as hot as you’d prefer them. It’s only a minute when you hear someone pounding on your door. You leave the microwave going and rush over to the door as quickly as you can. Before opening the door, you run your fingers through your hair and smooth the wrinkles out of your skirt. You want to look your best for this.

You take a deep breath, crack your neck, and open the door.

As expected, Dave is standing in the doorway. His face a combination of frazzled nerves and relief as he smiles at you. “Hey.” 

“So,” you lean in the doorway and cross your arms over your chest, “I see you finally decided to show up.”

The smile slips from his face. “Uh-”

Behind you, the microwave beeps.

“I’m glad you made it.” You smile and move out of the way so he can come in. “Come in, make yourself comfortable.”

Dave walks in with his boyfriend following close behind. You haven’t gotten a very good look at him yet, all you can really tell about him is that he’s a troll. You direct both of them to the couch and your plate of shitty fancy crackers while you get the tea.

The tea is steaming in the cups when you retrieve it. It’s just as hot as when you poured it, hopefully it tastes just as good. 

“Here you go,” you lean over the back of the couch and put the cups on the table, “fresh out of the microwave.”

“Thanks, Rose.” Dave picks a cracker up off the plate in front of him. “Crackers that are desert dry and bland as fuck, microwaved tea, a loose d20 just laying inconspicuously on the floor, shit, you really went all out for us, didn’t you?”

Did Vriska drop a die when she was picking up her shit earlier? “You should expect nothing less from me, Dave.” 

You pick up the die, and you can feel your heart sink in your chest a little. This is your own god damn d20. How the fuck did you miss this? 

You have to make it look like you did this on purpose.

“Dave’s boyfriend,” you address, holding out the die in front of you, “ roll this.”

His eyebrows scrunch together in confusion as he looks from your face, completely void of expression, to the die in your hand, and back to your face again. He doesn’t take the die. He opens his mouth, is he going to argue with you about this? That would be interesting.

“Do you not know what my fucking name is?” 

Oh. 

You weren’t expecting that.

He turns to Dave before you can answer. “Did you not tell your sister what my name is?” 

Dave looks back at him blankly, searching his memory for any indication if he did tell you his name. (You don’t think he did). “Um-”

“Holy shit, Dave, seriously?” His boyfriend is practically shouting. “That’s one of the first things you tell someone! What the actual fuck, man?”

“Sorry, it just slipped my mind, I guess.” Your brother shrugs sheepishly at him.

“How the hell does that kind of information slip your mind?” He punches Dave’s arm playfully. “I mean shit, that’s the first thing you do when you introduce someone, you fuck!”

“Sorry!” Dave laughs as he apologizes again. “I can promise that it won’t happen again, dude.”

“You’re damn right, it won’t happen again!” He practically climbs on top of Dave and starts poking his face. “Because I’m gonna be introducing my damn self from now on! If you so much as even try to introduce me to someone I will vomit a fucking bile and snot rope so thick I could strangle you with it, but I won’t. Do you know what I will do with it? I’m just going to stroke your hair with it and smear it all over your shitty smug face until you shut the fuck up.”

“Holy shit, that’s fucking disgusting.” Dave laughs as he pushes him off. “Nah, I’m good. You can introduce yourself from now on, I don’t give a damn.” 

“Good, I’m glad we’re in agreement there.” His boyfriend crosses his arms over his chest and grins triumphantly. 

You feel like you’re being ignored. You’re still standing here holding a die out in front of you.

“So now that that’s settled,” you clear your throat to get his attention, “what _is_ your name?”

He jumps at your voice and stares wide eyed back at you. From the look on his face and the dark grey creeping up his neck that he did, in fact, forget you were here.

That’s kind of fucking rude, considering this is your apartment.

“I’m Karkat.” He sticks his hand out to you. “Vantas. Hi.”

He’s so nervous it’s almost funny. You try hard not to smirk but fail as you shake his hand. “Nice to meet you, Karkat Vantas. Now please roll that die.”

Your d20 is sitting in Karkat’s palm. “Okay? If you’re going to be so fucking insistent about it, then fine.”

He starts shaking the die. Even though he doesn’t know why you want him to do it, all of his focus seems to be diverted to this action.

“Why do you want him to roll this, anyway?” Dave asks, picking up a cracker and dipping it in his tea.

You wrinkle your nose at him in disgust. Dave stares you right in the face as he slowly eats his tea soaked cracker. He then picks up another cracker and drops it into his cup. You stick your tongue out and flip him off. Dave just smirks and sips his tea.

Karkat is too focused on the die in his hands to notice your nonverbal exchange.

“If he rolls anything less than a fifteen he doesn’t deserve to be your boyfriend.”

Karkat shakes the die faster.

“Jesus H. shitting fuck, man, calm down, you look like you’re about to bust a brain nut. She’s obviously kidding.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Am I, Dave?”

“You are.” You shake your head, and he repeats himself more emphatically. “You _are._ This is exactly like when you used to pretend to read people’s fortunes when we were kids.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s _exactly_ like that.” You reply. “Though now that you mention it, Karkat, do you want me to read your fortune later?”

“ _No._ ” 

“What?” Karkat hasn’t been listening to a word you’ve been saying. 

“Oh my god,” Dave snaps in exasperation, “just roll the fucking die already!” 

Karkat drops the die on the table, and you’re all holding your breath in anticipation of what he rolled. 

“Well, what is it?” You lean forward over the table, but Karkat’s head is blocking your view of the die. Dave was right about you joking about the seriousness of the roll, but you’re still interested in seeing what he ended up with.

Karkat groans and puts his face in his hands. “I rolled an eight.”

Dave gasps under his breath. “Oh shit.”

A door slams open with a loud bang, startling both the boys and making them jump. You stay still because you’re used to it already. Completely resigned, but used to it. 

“I JUST HEARD MY MOTHER FUCKING NUMBER!” Vriska slides into the room in her socks, a giant fanged grin on her face. 

And just like that, your day is ruined.

“Vriska, did you seriously wait until you heard someone say the number eight before you came out here?”

“Uh, yeah?” Vriska snorts as if that’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I was also ready to make my appearance at the word ‘spider’ or ‘bitch’, but in this case eight came first.”

“If I’d known you were here I would’ve dropped a ‘bitch’ a helluva lot sooner.” Karkat speaks up. 

“Holy shit, Karkat?” She says in disbelief. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

You roll your eyes. “Think about our discussion this morning and ask that again.”

It takes Vriska a whole twenty seconds to understand what you mean. You can literally see the moment when it clicks. 

“So,” she smirks, “you’re the boyfriend now”

Dave wraps an arm around Karkat’s shoulders. The gesture looks awkward, but not forced. You have a feeling they don’t do this kind of thing in public very often. “Damn fucking straight he’s the boyfriend.”

Vriska doesn’t seem to have anything more to say after that. Instead she raises an eyebrow and gives Karkat a look. He shifts away from Dave’s arm and interlocks their fingers together. Karkat then lifts both of their hands to eye level and flips her off. Vriska snorts.

You clear your throat. “So I take it you two know each other.”

“Yeah, we know each other.” Vriska admits. “We went to high school together. It’s been awhile since I laid eyes on this prick, though. How long’s it been? Like a year?”

“ _Two_ years, you eightfold hag.” Karkat replies. “Not long enough, in my opinion.”

“Funny, we’re finally on the same page about something.” She picks up a cracker off the plate. “Hey, Rose? These crackers? They’re pure shit.”

“I had no idea.” You roll your eyes. “Thanks for letting me know, Vriska.”

“Hey, if you guys don’t want shitty snacks, I have half a sleeve of oreos under my recuperacoon.” Vriska offers through a mouthful of cracker. “Because unlike some people here, I’m actually a gracious host.”

You bought oreos last week just for this occasion. What the hell, Vriska?

“Yeah!” Dave accepts the offer without hesitation. “Oreos sound rad as hell, I’d take sandwich cookies over ass crackers any day. No offense, Rose.”

“And yet, I am offended.”

“Wait, there’s still an important question we haven’t asked yet!” Karkat says, narrowing his eyes at Vriska. “What _kind_ of oreos?”

“You know those new ones with all of the weird and fucked up flavors?”

“Yeah?” He replies warily.

“I’ve got the Swedish Fish ones.”

You can see Dave’s eyes go wide with excitement behind his shades. “Holy shit I want that in my mouth right fucking now.”

You smirk. “That’s what she said.”

“Ah!” He shakes his head in disappointment. “I can’t believe I walked right into that one.”

“Never underestimate the Lalondian ability to detect and play up an innuendo.” You wiggle your eyebrows at him.

“Yeah, well, you’re not the only one who can do that.” Your brother says, letting go of Karkat’s hand so he can cross his arms over his chest. “In _your_ endo. See? Easy as fuck.”

Karkat beats you to the punch. “ _You’re_ easy as fuck.” 

“Christ, dude.” Dave laughs. “I can’t believe you would say that shit in front of my sister.”

“Yes, Karkat, have you no shame?”

“Believe me, I’m so filled with shame it’s practically oozing out of my globes and soaking my underwear with fetid contrition juice so thick it smells like I’m slowly shitting my pants every god damn second of my miserable life, but if you’re asking me if any of my shame’s about this? No, it’s not.” 

“You’re so nasty!” Dave grins as he pushes him over onto the couch. 

“She asked!” Karkat defends. “I’m just being honest.”

“Yeah, an honestly gross fucker.”

He shrugs. “No arguments here.”

Vriska walks back into the room, carrying an almost empty sleeve of cookies. You honestly hadn’t even noticed she’d left. She drops it unceremoniously onto the table. “What are we arguing about?”

“We aren’t.”

“How nasty and gross Karkat is.” Dave says as he pokes Karkat’s face. Karkat doesn’t seem to mind, in fact you think he may be fighting off a grin.

“If you really want to know how fucking gross Karkat is, then boy do I have some shit to share!” Vriska laughs derisively. “You know this one time, in tenth grade-”

“ _No!_ ” Karkat shouts and throws a cracker at her in a panicked attempt to get her to stop talking. 

Shockingly, it works.

The cracker hits her square in the forehead and falls to the floor. 

“Jesus, Karkat, no reason to assault her with a fucking cracker snack.” Dave tsks, shaking his head. “Whatever shit she was about to say, I doubt it’s any worse than what I’ve already heard and told Rose about.”

“Oh, you have no idea what kind of embarrassingly gross shit I know about this guy.” Vriska smirks as she picks the cracker up off the floor. 

“Yeah, and they’re never going to know!” Karkat hisses at her as she heads towards the kitchen. “Don’t forget that I have dirt on you, too, Serket!”

“Yeah, yeah.” Vriska waves the threat away as she pops the floor cracker into her mouth.

You decide now is as good a time as any to ask a common dating question.

“Speaking of embarrassingly gross stories about each other,” you take a seat on the couch beside Karkat, who has to scoot closer to Dave to make room for you, “how did the two of you meet?”

“Uh...” Karkat says uncertainly, “art class.”

“Art class?”

Dave grabs Karkat’s arm with both hands. “Babe, can I tell her?”

“...did you seriously just call me babe?”

“Yes.”

“You’ve never called me babe before.” You notice Karkat’s ears turning a darker shade of grey again.

“Not! The! Point!” Dave repeats. “Can I tell her the story or not? I’ve never gotten to tell it!”

“That’s because it's a terrible shitstorm of a story.” Karkat answers calmly. “And I’d rather you never fucking tell it.”

“Oh come on, please?” He insists. “I promise it’s not even as terrible a story as you think.”

Karkat snorts. “Then why the fuck do you want to tell it so badly?”

“Oh, why do I want to share the beautiful story of how we met? The story of how we fell fast and ass first in love with each other? Our sweet fairytale romance? Is that what you’re asking me right now, Karkat? Really?”

He nods once.

“Because it’s fucking hilarious! Come on, babe, please? Please please please please please please please-”

Karkat sighs and gives you a look that says he can’t believe what you must have dealt with for years.

Now you’re even more intrigued. “I’ll try to keep my judgement to a minimum.”

As if you’d even be able to do that.

“Okay,” Karkat finally gives in, “you can tell her. I’ll just...sink into the couch and pretend this story’s not something that actually happened to me.” 

He slides down the couch so he’s laying on half the cushion and picks his teacup off the table. “Go ahead, pretend I’m not here. I know that’s what I’ll be doing.”

You shift so you’re facing Dave. Karkat’s so low on the seat between you at this point it really is almost like he’s not there. You pick up an oreo and gesture for Dave to start talking.

“It was late fall, almost winter,” Dave begins, launching into his story with an immediate smoothness that leads you to believe that he’s definitely practiced telling it before, “it was cold as balls, but not cold enough for those balls to freeze over. Through some unfortunate circumstances involving a lost bet that he still won’t fucking tell me about, Karkat ended up as a model for one of the more advanced art classes. After one of his modeling sessions he went to go get dressed and realized some asshole -Sollux- stole all his fucking clothes! He has no idea where the hell his clothes are. They’re just gone. He’s just left bare ass with nothing to cover his aforementioned oozy shame but a real fucking short cloth robe and a pair of hotel slippers. So eventually he decides he’s just gonna have to walk back to the dorm like this because what the fuck else is he supposed to do? Sit there all night?”

You shake your head. “Of course not.”

“Of course not.” Karkat repeats in agreement, taking a sip of his tea. You offer him an oreo.

“Of course not! So Karkat starts walking. Like I said, it’s cold as balls outside, but it’s also dark so it’s even colder than usual. Dipping your sack into a vat of frozen yogurt cold. And I’m pretty damn sure it was windy. It was windy, right?”

Karkat nods. “It was windy as fuck. I had to hold the robe down with both hands just so I wouldn’t get in trouble for public indecency or some shit.”

“Yeah. Karkat hauls ass all the way to the dorm, white knuckling his robe so it stays down and he doesn’t accidentally flash some poor fucker. Keep in mind, the art building is all the way on the other side of campus from the dorms, so this took for fucking ever. So by the time he gets to the dorms he’s cold, exhausted, and uncomfortable as all hell. All he wants to do at this point is just get some god damn clothes on and go to bed. The elevator’s broken, so he has to climb six flights of stairs to get to his room, but he gets there. He tries to open his door, but it’s locked. The fucker’s locked. Naturally he tries to go for his dorm key, but it’s not there!”

“Oh, shit.”

“Oh shit, indeed.” Dave nods. “Some asshole-”

“Sollux.”

“-Sollux, stole not only his clothes, but the key to his dorm and his phone, too. He has no way to open the door and nobody’s answering. So what the fuck’s Karkat supposed to do now?”

You shrug. “I have no idea.”

“Wrong answer! He goes to see the RA on the third floor to see if he has a spare key or a pair of pants or some shit. So he goes down the three flights of stairs and over to the RA’s door, and he starts knocking. No one answers. So he starts pounding his fist into the door. Still no answer. So when being civil stops working he just starts fucking punching the fuck out of this door and screaming profanities at it and the RA at the top of his lungs because he’s not answering. But here’s the thing, it’s not the RA’s door.”

“Then whose door is it?” You already know, but you feel like Dave wants the prompt to continue.

“It’s my door.” Dave explains. “By some stroke of bad luck, my room ended up being right next to the RA’s. Karkat was so blinded by pure rage that he didn’t even realize he was attacking the wrong door. Now imagine my surprise when I come back from a study session to find some guy in a bathrobe trying to break down my door and calling me a flaccid shitball.”

“And then what did you do?”

“The same thing any dude in my situation would do.” He shrugs. “I made fun of him for a bit and then I tossed him a clothes bone. Karkat thanked me, told me to call the RA a fuckface next time I saw him, and left. And I thought that was the last time I was ever going to see him and my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle pajamas ever again. But obviously, I was wrong.” 

Karkat sips his tea noisily. “Very wrong.”

“I had an art class later that week, and we’d started working on sketching figures. Lo and behold, our art model was none other than fucking shouty bathrobe guy. It was the most awkward hour of my life.”

“You thought that shit was awkward? Imagine that except you don’t have clothes.”

“I have and I hated it. Anyway, after class Karkat came up to me and asked if he could buy me lunch as a thank you. I took him up on it. And just like that, we were dating two months later.”

“That....was quite the story.” What more is there to say here? “I understand why you wouldn’t want to share that, Karkat.”

He gives you a thumb up. “Not my best moment.”

“I wasn’t having my best moment when I met my girlfriend, either.” You admit.

“Oh, really?” Karkat sits up. “Go on.”

“I first made eye contact with her in the fabric section of-”

“Rose!” Vriska interrupts from the other room.

“What?” You call back to her, slightly annoyed.

“I’m going out with Terezi, don’t wait up!” You hear the front door open. “Nice seeing you, Dave! And Karkat, I wouldn’t call it nice, but I definitely did see you.”

“Bye, Vriska!” Dave yells.

“I look forward to not seeing you anymore!” Karkat replies.

He quickly follows it up with, “Have fun with Terezi!”

“I will, I’ll tell her you said hi!” And then the door finally slams, and she’s gone.

All’s quiet in the apartment. It’s peaceful. 

It’s also a little awkward.

Karkat picks up the d20 he’d left on the table and starts to roll it around in his hand. “So are you going to do something because I rolled an eight or was that all bullshit?”

“Karkat, we’ve only just met, but since my brother went through all the trouble of telling me an embarrassing story about you, I’ll admit that my bullshit to sincerity ratio is 3:1. Does knowing that mean you will be able to tell when I’m being serious or sarcastic? Honestly, probably not. This doesn’t help you at all.”

“Thank you, Rose, for not answering my question in any way, shape, or form.”

“Don’t mention it.”

Dave claps a hand onto Karkat’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Karkat. You’ll always be a natural twenty in my heart. Also, I have the perfect punishment for your shitty roll.”

Dave picks up his cup and fishes out the cracker. “Eat this.”

Karkat takes the tea soaked cracker without question and bites it in half. He shivers in disgust. “This is the worst thing I’ve ever eaten in my entire god damn life.”

“You eat bugs.”

“I know.” He stuffs the rest of the cracker in his mouth. You think you see his face go pale. “I stand by what I said. This cracker makes me want to break down into tears. I fucking hate this so much. I want a divorce.”

“You’re welcome, babe.” Dave claps him on the shoulder. “So what d’you want to do now, Rose?”

“We could watch a movie, I suppose.” You stroke your chin thoughtfully. You wouldn’t mind watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles right around now. “Talk some more. Order a pizza. Just chill.”

Karkat gives you a weird look. “Holy shit, you really are his sister.”

“What?”

He shakes his head. “Nothing. Yeah, that all sounds like it’d be good.”

 

\--------

It doesn’t take very long for the three of you to settle on a movie. The live action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, just like you’d been thinking. Now all that’s left to do is figure out what kind of pizza you’re going to order. You already know what you and Dave like, but you have no idea about Karkat. The easiest thing to do would be to just ask him, but you have a different solution.

“Hey, Karkat, would you roll this die?” You drop the d20 from earlier into his hands.

He starts shaking it. “What am I rolling for this time?”

“Choice in pizza.”

“You’re fucking weird, Rose.”

You shrug. “It’s a genetic trait. Are you going to roll or not?”

He rolls.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it! <3


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